In Search of the Champagne Life
by Jennifer Barnick

Definitions and Introductions and Summer Oh My...

            In search of the champagne life....   When I read the above line (and truly cringe at the thought of me being a sort of fearless guide, trodding through beast-filled forests in search of the champagne life), I find myself back in elementary school.   To me the champagne life is...then I am to fill in the blank with a few good crayoned-in responses.   In truth, I cannot really say I know what the champagne life is.   At least not yet, and I suppose this is what my column is, and this is what I am going to set out to do—find the champagne life.

            However, like all really good explorers I have to have a better explanation before I ask the Queen to give me gobs of money, a big boat, and many reasonably sober sailors.   And in this case, I suppose you the reader are both my patron and reasonably sober sailor.   The champagne life is...a place where regardless of the externals the internal gives the go-ahead to pop a cork and celebrate.   Perhaps there is an island where one can feel great twenty pounds too heavy, a place where being inept at keeping fresh towels in the linen closet is OK, and a land where one does not have to stand sheepishly quiet when others groan about their investments in the stock market (why some of us bemoan that parking meters no longer take nickels and dimes).   Suppose my Lords and Ladies, Kings and Queens that there is a land that no matter how bad the storm one can always find good humor.  This I realize is a tough sell, and I am guessing explorers had other techniques and strategies in which to acquire patronage and sailors.

            Hence, for all perspective patrons and reasonably sober sailors I would like to point out that the oceans I have charted are quite renowned and deep.   The Sea of Shakespeare, the Jungian Ocean, and the Buddhist Straights will be traversed, and I might add, so wholly condensed that one, with minimal time's investment, should be well armed with cocktail party chatter deep into fall. And speaking of cocktails I would also like to add that for this explorer, my beloved reasonably sober sailors, reasonable and marginal are one and the same.   In addition to the promise of bite-sized literature, I shall also serve-up recipes, party tips, and on occasion, personal misadventures.   And most of all, remember this is an exploration hosted by a sparkling wine magazine, so either way at least the casks on board shall be quite fine.

            Lastly, my column In Search of the Champagne Life will lead you to your dream life.   I will give you step by step instructions on how to achieve the body you've always wanted; how to get the mate of your dreams; how to finally say good-bye to a messy house; and last, but certainly not least, if you read my column I promise that you will find out how to make more money than you can spend.

            So, in closing, I would first like to wish you all a happy summer, and I would implore you to risk this perilous (no doubt) journey with me as your hapless (no doubt) guide searching for the champagne life.

Daily Column Begins Monday June 28, 2004